


B. F.

by wripinil (wripinel)



Series: Bottle Feeding [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-02-10 06:35:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18654919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wripinel/pseuds/wripinil
Summary: Riza and Envy stay for a few nights in an abandoned hotel until Envy asks for a favor.Edit: This is now being rewritten and will be deleted as soon as I have the new version completed.





	1. Swimming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to a height chart someone sent me, Envy’s canon height is 5’1” and Riza is 5’6” (I had no idea Envy was so tiny but there ya go). Envy is 23, Riza is 33. I haven't yet figured out how they got together in the first place, I just like this pairing and I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with this scene.

Envy woke with an inhale and blinked his eyes open in the darkness. Slowly, he sat up.

The dream had been...well, it was hard to describe. Strange, but it had felt so real. He wanted to tell Riza about it, but the clock on the nightstand read 3:02 AM, and he couldn't wake her up at this hour to tell her about a dream. 

He settled down again and watched the back of her head...watched the curve of her shoulder, rising and falling, turned away from him...the long cascade of blonde hair all over the pillow...

He scooted closer and curled into her. The warmth of her body was comforting. He closed his eyes, looping his arm over Riza and hugging her to him. He nuzzled his nose into the back of her head for a moment, breathing in the smell of her hair conditioner, and fell asleep.

 

 

_~The Next Night~_

 

 

“Hey, ready to go?” 

Envy leaned against the doorway and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

Riza looked him up and down. He was still wearing his normal outfit, minus the socks and gloves. “Aren’t you going to put on a swimsuit?”

“This is my swimsuit.”

“Oh. I see.”

Riza was wrapped up in a standard white hotel bathrobe, sandals clacking against the pavement outside as she readjusted a gym bag over her shoulder. Envy closed the door, and followed after her.

“I just don’t…” Envy crossed his arms as he walked. “I don’t like to take it off.”

“Okay.”

Envy glanced at her and then down. “It’s…I don’t know.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain.”

Envy nodded and kept walking with her, descending the stairs down to the ground level of the hotel.

It was midnight and no one else was around.

There was a courtyard in the middle of the complex, with a swimming pool in the center. The surface of the chlorinated water reflected on the concrete below. Lights underneath the water lit up the shadows in the courtyard with a blue glow. 

Riza unknottted her robe from the waist and slid it off her shoulders, folding and setting it down next to her gym bag. She was wearing a black bikini with straps that tied around her neck and hips.

Envy considered his own attire, fidgeting with the waist of his skirt. 

He was a guy after all, so this prudish need for modesty felt a bit weird. 

There wasn’t anything unusual about his body, he had nothing to hide, he just felt too exposed without the halter top. The tightness of the fabric was also comforting. It let him feel secure and contained.

But…it did seem a little ridiculous to stay covered up when swimming. And a small part of him wanted to show off his muscled upper body in front of Riza. He bit his lip.

When Riza stepped into the pool, he pulled off the skirt and yanked the top over his head, leaving him in only the skintight shorts. He felt a little stupid and lowered his head. _She’s not going to react, she probably doesn’t care._

Riza had submerged her head under the water and Envy sucked in a breath, deciding to run to the deep end of the pool and jump in before she could see him.

The water was freezing, but he gritted his teeth and swam to the bottom, forcing himself to slowly adjust to the temperature. 

When he surfaced, hair was plastered all over his face and he had to blow it off his mouth to breathe. His headband had lowered until it almost covered his eyes, and it pulled painfully on the roots of his hair. 

He had to go under again so that he could slick his long hair back behind his head, and tug the headband down so it was around his neck instead. _Stupid thing, I should have taken it off._ He kept trying to smooth his hair back away from his face.

When he finally came back up, he met Riza’s eyes from where she rested with one arm on the edge of the pool.

“You took your clothes off.”

Envy’s face flushed with a prickly heat under his skin. “I’m still wearing shorts.” _So she did notice…_

Riza tilted her head, considering him. Then she pushed off the side of the pool and swum towards him in broad butterfly-strokes under the water that made her shoulder muscles ripple and flex. Envy gulped, suddenly nervous.

“Um…Riza?”

She surfaced in front of him, legs slowly kicking to keep her afloat. Her hand came up to rest on his arm, lightly.

“May I?”

Envy felt his heart stutter and he glanced down, away from the knowing depths of her dark eyes.

“Sure, I don’t know, uh…”

Her hand trailed slowly from his shoulder, across the length of his collarbone. 

Trails of sparks ran under his skin with each gentle trace.

Her fingers dipped below the water, to his pectoral muscles, and he shivered when she curiously began touching the sides of them. She cupped the sides and moved her thumbs inward to brush over his nipples. He inhaled sharply with shock.

“Is this okay?”

He looked up at her in embarrassment, hoping she couldn’t see the arousal starting to grow in his shorts. “Um, yeah, it’s good. I think.”

The sudden heat between his legs surprised him. He hadn’t known how sensitive that part of his chest was.

A little breathy grunt came out of his throat when she kept circling over his nipples, rubbing them. They hardened, and peaked, felt like they were standing up to attention. Tingled.

“Have you ever done this to yourself?” she asked him casually.

“No, I…didn’t know it felt like that.”

The fabric of his shorts was straining to contain him now, it would be so embarrassing if she looked down. He closed his eyes, swallowing once.

Her palms pushed against his chest, moving him backward. “Hm? What are you—?”

She did not respond, instead continuing to guide him back until he felt the edge of the pool pressed against his shoulders, his toes skating for purchase along the bottom of the pool. Then she dipped down under the water and hugged him tightly around his waist, lifting him up and out of the pool.

Her strength and the press of her body flustered him, and he tried to follow her lead, water splashing with his panicked movements. He braced his arms on the edge to help lift his lower half out of the water, scooting back until he was sitting before her. 

Then realized how compromising the position was.

“Um…” It did not calm his arousal to be directly in front of her, with his knees parted around her face. Quite the opposite. There was an embarrassingly large tent in his shorts. And he felt more exposed with his chest out in the open air. “Riza, I don’t—”

His words cut off when he felt her hands trace up from his calves to the inside of his knees. Pulling them further apart. Her hands went around to cup his butt, sliding him closer until he was barely sitting on the ledge and in danger of falling back into the water. He had to balance his thighs on her shoulders.

“Riza—” 

For a few moments she didn’t do anything, simply staring up at him from between his legs. 

A very small smile pulled at the corners of her eyes. 

He felt his cheeks heat up and he crossed his arms over his chest and held onto his shoulders, squeezing them nervously. 

“Lay back.”

Her voice was soft, but the command was clear. 

He shivered, and this time not from the cold air. He lowered slowly onto his elbows, then sank all the way to the ground.  He twitched inside his shorts, too aware of how close she was.

He flinched when he felt the kiss of her lips. Even through the fabric of his shorts her mouth was warm, the heat of her tongue on his cock promising so much more. He slapped his hands over his mouth and tensed when she began sucking against the side of him, hard and purposeful.

She began tugging at the edge of his shorts, encouraging him to lift his hips up, and he obliged, letting her slide them down. He was too embarrassed to watch, too busy trying to remember how to breathe.

 


	2. Bath Time

_The First Request_

 

Envy sat very still in the pink bubblebath. Warm water surrounded him on all sides, cradling his body. The pink foam drifted by in swirls, slowly dissolving away in the air. He lifted his hand, watching the bubbles cling to his skin.

"Riza?"

He had to be very careful when he spoke. To not let his voice go too high or squeaky.

"Yes?" 

She was sitting on the floor outside the tub, reaching up to stroke the top of his head. Her fingers trailed down the long strands of his hair. Chin resting on her forearm, on the ledge of the tub, she looked at Envy in the water. Her face was neutral, but her eyes radiated warmth.

"Can...um..."

He trailed off, reluctant to voice another request. His head bent down and he stared at his arms held tight to his chest in the water.

He mumbled very quickly, "Can you be in the bath with me?"

"Sure," she agreed easily, standing. "One moment."

She left the room, and for a few minutes Envy was alone. He rocked back and forth in the water, worrying about his request. He had liked it when Riza was sitting by the bathtub and touching his hair...

Riza and Envy had been together for six weeks. 

And initially Envy was never going to ask for her anything. He knew what he liked, he knew what his deepest desires were. He also knew that his previous partners were completely repulsed and disturbed by him, and he was dumped twice for it.

But after being with Riza for over a month, he had hope that she might understand. Still he was hesitant to voice it directly. He never could say it directly to anyone, his previous partners had learned about it through long and meandering explanations. How was he supposed to say it anyway? _'I like being treated like a baby, it makes me feel safe.'_ He could never be so blunt about it.

There was no way he could ever try to explain it to Riza. But he hoped maybe he could ask for things without explaining. This was the first time he'd made a request, and he thought maybe she wouldn't suspect anything. He was very careful to not let his voice go "small" when he talked but it was a struggle. Occasionally he'd slipped up a few times when he felt safe around her. And there were a couple of times she'd accidentally caught him doing strange things. Taking out his teddy bear from his suitcase and hugging it to his chest (he hadn't realized she was standing in the doorway). Sucking on his thumb and staring off into space when he got distracted. He tried to laugh it off afterwards and change the subject.

Riza knocked on the door and Envy turned and looked up when she opened it.

She was wearing her bathing suit.

And in that moment, with a cold sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Envy realized - she knew. She knew what he was doing. That this was something else for him.

It was hard to explain how the bathing suit indicated this. It was such a small gesture, but extremely meaningful. The bathing suit kept things platonic. If this were a normal bath between lovers, she would have been naked. But somehow she knew it wasn't a normal bath.

How did she figure it out?

She stepped into the tub on the other side of him, facing him, and slowly sat down, the water level rising with her until it was up to Envy's shoulders.

She reached up onto the ledge and got a bar of soap, looking at it thoughtfully. It was shaped like a turtle. She mimed it swimming through the water, toward Envy. His fear was interrupted and he couldn't help giggling when it bumped into his shoulder, trying to climb up his arm.

"It thinks you're a mountain," Riza explained. "A strange island in the middle of this great big ocean." 

Wait...was she...playing with him?

Was she...trying to understand?

Something warm bloomed inside Envy's heart.

No one else would ever do this for him.

A wave of gratitude overcame him and he felt the strongest urge to hold her face and kiss her.

"Um..." he leaned forward, but stopped, unsure. "I..." Did he really want to kiss her like this? Would it be weird? He needed to express his gratitude somehow, he didn't know the right way to do it.

"Riza, I..."  _Please help me. Please read my mind. Please don't make me say it._

But he had to. Riza was only human, she wasn't a mind reader.

He raised his hands up to his face to hide his eyes, to make it easier. "Can I kiss you?"

She smiled at him and opened her arms. "Of course. Come here, it's okay."

Those were the exact words he needed to hear, and he nearly lunged across the bath in his haste to reach her, water sloshing over the sides of the tub.

But then he paused, awkwardly straddling her lap, and held onto her shoulders.

He didn't know where to kiss her. He wanted it to be on the lips, but that felt like it would be wrong in this situation, it would ruin the platonic atmosphere. So he pecked her on the cheek instead.

That didn't feel like enough, though.

He drew back and bit his lip, trying to think. He dived forward to kiss her nose and she smiled. That made him happy, so he started peppering her entire face with kisses — forehead, cheeks, nose, eyebrows, next to her ears and eyes.

She held him close and began kissing him all over his face too, and he could have cried it made him so happy. It was exactly what he needed.

When she planted three loud kisses on his forehead he actually did start crying. He tried not to. But he could feel his face tensing and the telltale heat prickling under his skin. His vision blurred.

He ducked down his head and hid it against her shoulder, breathing heavily and holding onto her forearms, rocking back and forth a little too anxiously. She wrapped her arms around him tight and took over the rocking, controlling the pace of the movement and slowly calming him down.

"It's okay." The palm of her hand smoothed down his back. "Everything is going to be okay. I'm here. You're safe." His shoulders started shaking and he really and truly began to sob now. It was embarrassing. He wasn't thinking straight. He raised his head from her shoulder and sought out her lips automatically, slanting his mouth over hers, to express his gratitude, to tell her thank you.

And just like that, the platonic innocence of the moment vanished.

She kissed him back and he felt a warmth curling inside the pit of his belly. Without thinking he brought her hand to his stomach, just under his navel, as if trying to let her feel the flutter inside. Trying to show her, the effect she had on him.

She kept her hand there and he felt the flutters increase, felt something else happening as well, down lower under the water. Tight tension and rising pressure. Pleasure growing.

"Please," he whispered against her lips. "I...I need..." Her hand slipped lower, and she swallowed the little gasp he made at her touch.

"Let's turn you around," she said, and it was awkward trying to turn around in the narrow tub, his legs bumped against hers and more water sloshed over the edge.

But then he was sitting right up against her, back pressed up against the soft curves of her front, and  _yes_ , this was exactly what he needed. He felt goosebumps run down his arms as she leaned more into him. Curling around him. Making him feel safe.

One hand started playing with his chest as the other slipped down far below the water, and he whimpered and closed his eyes at the tense, tight, sparking feeling. He leaned his head back over her shoulder, and she began kissing the front of his exposed neck, sucking at the center of his throat. He clutched her thighs on either side of him, trying to hold on.

When she started stroking him steadily, and her other fingers circled deliberately around his chest, making him peak and shiver and shake, he couldn't hold back a moan, and she murmured encouragement into his ear, his lungs starting to gasp deep breaths as his eyes shut tight.

His back arched further and further, shoulders pressing into her chest until she had to lean back against the edge of the tub, and the water rose up to his chin as he leaned back with her, but she kept stroking him through it until his hips bucked and he cried out, fingers tensing around her legs under the water.

His breath evened out with a sigh as he sagged, boneless. His eyelids were heavy, his arms felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. He felt so good here in the warm water with Riza behind him, afterwaves of pleasure still coursing through his body, relaxing.

For a split second the world went blissfully dark, and then when he woke up it was to Riza rubbing his hair with a towel. He blinked, startled at the sudden change.

"Are you okay?" she kissed his cheek. "You fell asleep there."

He glanced around and found that he was still in the tub and Riza was still behind him, she must have reached over to a shelf for the towel.

"Yeah..." he said, wonderingly. "...I feel..." _Amazing. Whole_. _Healed._ "...good." 

He snuggled back into her and she took the towel away, placing it on the edge of the tub next to the basket. The sudden urge to return the favor overcame him. He needed to prove his gratitude. Warmth filled his heart as he turned around to face her, full of energy. He kissed her, holding on to her face under her jawline, cupping his fingers around her cheeks. He straddled her confidently, pressing his upper body against hers.

"Riza...Riza, Riza, Riza..."

His fingers reached under the water to tug at the bottom straps of her swimsuit, telling her what he wanted to do.

"Let's go to bed," he breathed against her. "I want you." What that meant was, he wanted to make her feel good. To possess her, emotionally or mentally through the physical act of pleasuring her. "Please, let me..."

She smiled and nodded, holding on to the edges of the tub to stand up and he stood with her. He took her hand and led her to the bedroom, water dripping off their bodies.

He kissed her with confidence, with insistence, slowly taking a kind of charge over the situation. Riza was the one who truly remained in control, but it was Envy's chance now to return the pleasure she'd given him, and he did so with enthusiastic eagerness.

Gently he guided her back onto the sheets, and opened her legs to kneel between them, sliding her swimsuit off her shoulders and down.

His lower face against her curls felt like coming home, and even as his lips numbed and his mouth began to go dry, he stayed with the rhythm, falling into a kind of meditation through the repetition of the act.

The deepness of his need, the intense pressure to somehow communicate his love to her, made her gasp, and his fingers tightened around her thighs once more, smiling into her as he continued. By the end of it he had her writhing, and satisfaction filled him at seeing her sated and breathless against the pillows when it was over.

He crawled up and flumped onto the mattress under her arm, resting his head on her shoulder as he curled up into her side. He kissed the side of her breast and she returned the kiss with one on his forehead.

The room was warm, the atmosphere heavy, and they fell asleep like that, lovers intertwined. Riza's arm curled under Envy's head, around his shoulder, and his thigh came up over her hip as he breathed deeply, in and out, into the crook of her shoulder.


	3. In Sickness and in Health

Envy's shoulders shook as he heaved again, unable to breathe as burning fluid poured out of his mouth and nose. His eyes watered when it was over, sucking in lungfuls of air. Only to have it happen again immediately afterwards.

His stomach trembled from the pain inside. 

Riza's warm hand ran across his clammy forehead as she held back his hair, keeping it away from his face. 

He was embarrassed. He didn't want her to be here with him like this. If the vomit smelled awful to him it must be even worse for her. He didn't want her to be here with him. Sheer panic gave him enough strength to stand on his shaking legs and push her out of the room, ignoring her questions and protests.

"Please, please just go away, I don't want you to be in here right now, please go."

She allowed herself to be herded outside the door, and didn't attempt to stop him from closing and locking it, but the concern in her eyes was clear as he slammed it shut. 

"Please just go! I'll be fine, please go!"

 

~ ~ ~

 

Later on, curled up on the floor as he was, crying, in pain, and terrified of how completely out of control his body had gotten from the rotten food he'd consumed several hours ago, he imagined Riza telling him everything would be okay. That this was all going to be fine. 

 

~ ~ ~

 

He barely remembered stumbling out of the bathroom when it was over. His body trembled from dehydration and shock.

Riza was nowhere to be seen. The entryway showed no signs of her and neither did the kitchen.

She wasn't in the bedroom when he got there either. He crawled under the covers, miserable, holding on to his upper arms to ease the hurt inside his chest.

But after he closed his eyes and passed out for a moment, he was awoken by a warm hand on his forehead and a glass of water pressed to his lips.

"Here sweetheart, drink this, okay?"

Even though his body ached, his heart still leapt at the sound of her voice. She hadn't left. She was still here, she still cared about him.

He didn't want to, but he drank a little bit of the water. His stomach gurgled, and he whined in fear. He didn't have enough strength left to go through that all over again. His legs were shaking.

"It's okay. It's okay..."

Her hand pressed against his cheek, and she put a bucket on the floor beside the bed. "Just use this if the water comes back up, okay?"

He nodded.

"It's going to be okay." She pet his shoulder and pulled the blankets over him. "Sleep now, I'll help you take a shower when you wake up in the morning. I called your manager, you're not going to work today."

 

~ ~ ~

 

In the end she let him shower alone at his request, but she came in later to help him wash his hair. He stood with his hands on the wall, shoulders hunched forward as she lathered soap into his roots and gently washed it all off. 

She helped him get dry and wrapped a towel around his body, and he wondered why she was doing all this, what she could possibly get out of taking care of him. But he didn't ask, too afraid of the answer. _Maybe she secretly hates you_ , whispered a nasty little voice in his head, _maybe she does all this out of obligation_. 

She guided him out of the room and sat him down on the couch. The towel was still wet, but she brought over his favorite pajamas, the ones with a dragon pattern on them. They were warm from the dryer and she helped him into them. Then she kissed his forehead, put on one of his favorite movies ( _The Emperor's New Groove_ ), and went away to put the towel in the laundry room. 

She was gone for a while and he missed her, trying to crane his neck over the couch to see where she was. But the movie distracted him. When she came back with a glass of water and handed it to him, he snuggled into her side as she sat next to him on the couch. And when the movie was over and his eyes were drooping with tiredness, she guided him back to bed and he found out she'd changed the sheets.

He must have been sweating a lot last night while he was tossing and turning, and the sweat must have ruined the sheets.

He started crying from humiliation.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I'm sorry I..." _I'm sorry I got sick, I'm sorry I asked you to take care of me and now you do it without me even having to ask, I'm sorry I'm a burden, I'm sorry I'm so weird_...

Riza was very confused and didn't understand. She thought he was apologizing for getting food poisoning. "Honey, it's okay, everybody gets sick..."

"I would have changed the sheets, you didn't have do that. I'm sorry, I didn't want you to have to...do that..."

It hadn't even occurred to him that the sheets needed to be changed because of all the sweat, and he would have done it if he'd known it was something that needed to be done. She did so much for him already: getting the bucket, the glass of water, washing his hair, drying him off and helping him change, calling his manager, putting the movie on for him...

He didn't want her to feel burdened by him. And now he was crying, and now she would feel obligated to comfort him because he was crying, and everything he did just made things worse. 

"Sweetie, baby, it's okay..." she hushed him, holding him from behind and he stumbled a little from being weak, and she steadied him on his feet, and helped him get under the covers. "Why are you crying, what's going on?"

_You do all these things for me and I don't know why, I'm sorry, I don't want you to leave me, what could you possibly be getting out of this? Please, I'm sorry._

He didn't say any of that though. He just let her tuck him under the covers.

 

~ ~ ~ 

 

A few days later, Riza got sick. 

Envy was in a panic, running around the house and trying to think of what to do. She had chills and shakes, she was running a fever, he wanted to take her to a hospital but she said she would be fine. She called herself out of work, and Envy did the same, deciding to stay home and take care of her. 

But how to take care of her, he did not know.

He gave her a glass of water but was hesitant to ask her to drink it. He was grateful when she took a sip.

"Thank you," she said with a warm smile on her face, and Envy felt horrible inside. _You don't have to thank me, you did this for me when I got sick. I'm the one who should be thanking you._

He felt inadequate and small, like nothing he did was going to be good enough. 

He tried to do all the same things she had done for him. He put on one of her favorite shows, _The Twilight Zone_ , and he made her some food - toast and scrambled eggs with orange juice. She smiled when he brought it in, but she didn't eat all of it, only a few bites. She thanked him again and he started to wonder if he should just stop, if he was just making things awkward. She was ten years older than him, she knew how to take care of herself. She didn't need him the way he needed her.

But when she got up to go to the bathroom, he still did one last thing, he tried to change the sheets as quickly as possible.

He wanted to warm them in the dryer first but his thoughts were scattered and he forgot, and he felt terrible that she was about to get into cold sheets. He felt like a failure in every possible way.

She looked surprised when she came back in and saw the new sheets.

"I'm sorry," he said when she climbed in.

She was confused by his apology. "Hm?"

"The sheets are cold. I'm sorry."

"Sweetie it's okay, thank you for changing the sheets, that's very kind and thoughtful of you."

Envy hung his head in shame. He wished it wasn't obvious that he was trying so hard.

He wished he knew what to do.

"Come here," she said gently, reaching an arm out to him, and he obeyed, coming closer to stand before her. She held onto his hand, squeezing it. "Envy, are you okay?"

He felt like he was about to start crying again. His voice wobbled when he spoke, and he tried to keep it steady. "I'm sorry, I don't know how to take care of you. You take care of me all the time, and now you need someone to take care of you, and I don't know how." _And you're comforting me right now even though you're sick_.

"You're taking very good care of me, sweetheart. You put a movie on for me, you brought me food and water, you changed the sheets. You've done more than enough and I appreciate it all. Thank you." Her voice was sincere and warm.

He stood before her awkwardly, as she was still holding on to his hand. He didn't know what to say. 

Staring down at his feet, he finally asked the question he'd been wanting to know the answer to for a long time.

"Why do you take care of me? All these weird things I ask for... What do you get out of them?"

She was silent for a few minutes. Her thumb stroked in circles over his hand. In the background, the television played episode 123 of _The Twilight Zone_ , "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet," about a gremlin on a plane.

"I've never told you about my father, have I?"

He shook his head.

"Well, he was a genius. Brilliant. He locked himself away in his laboratory, perfecting his experiments. And after my mother died, well...he needed someone to take care of him. I made sure he ate, made sure he slept, I looked after him. I listened to all his worries, I gave him comfort when he needed it, I...just took care of him. And I never questioned it. Things got worse when I got older. He became obsessed with the idea that someone was going to steal his greatest ideas, so he had them...um..."

She stared at the wall, in the distance. The look in her eyes was glassy as she disappeared back into bad memories.

"He thought that tattooing it on his daughter's back was the best way to preserve the idea, while still keeping it a secret... I was eleven."

Envy stared at her face in shock. He'd seen that giant tattoo of walled writing covering her back many times and it should have struck him as a little bit odd, since Riza wasn't the type to get a tattoo, but he'd never thought much about it at all. It was just a part of her he'd never questioned.

"Anyway," she shrugged, laughing nervously. "I know that explanation doesn't really make sense. But...I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm used to taking care of someone."

"So I'm like your father?" he choked. 

"No." She shook her head, frowning. "No, you're nothing like him at all. That's not what I meant."

She squeezed his hand again. "Envy, I love taking care of you. I love taking care of you the same way I wish someone had taken care of me when I was little. Doing all these things for you, it's like...vicariously living through someone else's childhood. I love playing games with you, I love giving you bubblebaths and dressing you up. I wouldn't want to experience them the same way you do. But I like being able to give them to you. In a way, it helps me come to terms with the childhood I never had. I can give it to someone else, my partner, instead."

Envy was confused but he nodded, shivering happily inside at the way she'd called him her "partner." Something permanent. An equal.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Later on that night, as he wrapped his arms around her while falling asleep, he looked at the tattoo visible above the neckline of her shirt and wished he could disembowel her father. What kind of sick narcissistic freak would tattoo his ideas on his daughter's body? Or have her take care of him like a housewife? No one had taken care of Riza when she was little, she'd had to practically raise herself.

As Envy stroked his thumb in circles over her arm, he vowed to take care of her for the rest of his life. Or for as long as she would let him. He would not let her fall into a relationship with a parasite, he had to give back somehow, in any way he could. He would give her anything she wanted, he would be attuned to her needs, he would learn to read her mind and see between the lines. 

It didn't mean having to give up the rituals if they helped Riza in some way, if she enjoyed them too. He felt a lot more reassured now, knowing what it was she got out of them. He still didn't quite understand how she preferred to live through the experiences "vicariously" instead of directly, but maybe that was something he could bring up with her again in the future. Maybe she'd enjoy it if he gave her a bubblebath or dressed her up, she didn't have to just do it for him all the time.

He didn't know how to take care of someone else but he would learn. He'd give her gifts, he'd give her sexual pleasure, love and gratitude, he'd give her everything he had to give. Somehow he would overcome his immaturity to be her equal, he was determined.


	4. Memories (Envy's Past)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short, sex will hopefully happen in the next chapter.

"Envy...?"

"Huh?"

"What are you doing up baby, it's four in the morning."

"Oh, um..I'm just...uh..."

"Do you want me to tuck you in?"

"NO! No, um, that's okay, I'm sorry, I just...I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I didn't mean to yell like that."

"Envy it's okay, you weren't yelling."

"Okay..."

"What are you doing up? Couldn't sleep?'

"No, it's just... It's nothing."

 

~ ~ ~

 

Sometimes Envy would wake up in the middle of the night and remember his own father. But after Riza had opened up about her past he didn't want to burden her with more of his baggage. So he kept the memories to himself.

Envy and his six siblings had been raised by someone who claimed to be a Supreme Being, a prophet who predicted he would rule the world in ten years. He made his children run seemingly pointless errands for him and spy on people all for the "Ultimate Plan." He claimed his children had powers. Envy in particular, Father said was a shapeshifter. Envy had believed it wholly for the first thirteen years of his life. 

After that, he'd gotten old enough to realize things weren't making sense.

Envy's older brother Greed had run away long ago and abandoned everyone. He'd never believed what Father told them. He went off to become a musician and never got in touch with any of them ever again.

Lust got into college, and signed papers to be Envy and Gluttony's legal guardian.

Things were hard after that. They barely had any money to eat, all three of them worked minimum wage jobs just to get by. Envy never graduated high school and neither did Gluttony, but Lust made sure they passed their GEDs.

She tried to put herself through college for a business degree, but had to drop out after the second year with a crippling amount of debt to her name. Still she'd learned enough and made enough connections with the right people to start her own business, and a few years later she had amassed a small fortune.

Envy hated asking her for money now. 

Life had been...so much easier when he was little. Even if it was strange...even if he'd been socially isolated and brainwashed, fed the dream that one day he and his siblings would become gods, even through all of that. It had still been a happy existence. He'd had stability, routine, safety.

He missed it horribly.

He missed his father, whom he hadn't talked to in nine years after realizing the guy was crazy.

And in the middle of the night, when these feelings of loss and longing were so powerful he could hardly stand them, when he would swallow back the words, deep and quiet inside his heart, "I miss my dad"...then he'd hold Riza close and breathe in the smell of her hair. Riza was the only good thing in his life, the only reason he had to keep going.

That was why he asked Riza to do all these strange things for him. So that, in a way, he could go back in time. It wasn't working. And he wasn't entirely sure if he liked it. It was all very strange. But Riza didn't seem to mind, so he kept asking her, trying to get the release he craved and was denied by his psyche, over and over.


	5. Intimacy

Riza checked the lump on his back, the one he'd felt in the shower but couldn't quite see or understand in the mirror. 

"What do you think it is?" he asked, worried. 

She smoothed her fingers over it and left a little kiss on the skin beside it. "I don't know but we should get it checked out. I'm sure the doctors can fix it." 

Envy hung his head and frowned at the sheets below, where he sat with his legs crossed. Riza settled back against the headboard. 

"I hate going to the doctor...they probably won't even know what it is, or they'll tell me the wrong thing." 

She laughed a little bit and patted his thigh, below his tattoo. "You have to have a little more trust in professionals." 

"Quacks...they're all quacks..." Envy grumbled, turning around to settle into the crook of her opened arms. "Will you come with me?" 

"Of course, if work lets me. If I can't, I'll text you before and after, okay?"

"...Okay."

She turned off the light and he snuggled closer into her side, bending his leg over hers under the sheets. His toes curled into her calf. They fell asleep tangled together like that until dawn. 


	6. Baking

Envy wore a chef's apron as he bent over the kitchen table, tongue stuck out in concentration. He was making an apple pie with a complicated latticework topping. Riza came in and set her car keys on the counter, walking over to stand next to Envy. She stuck her finger in the mixing bowl and pinched off a piece of unused dough, putting it into her mouth. 

"Mm..." 

"How come I get sick from raw dough and you don't?" 

"I don't know but you're really missing out, it's good." 

"Hmph."

She pinched off another piece and held it out to him. "Try it?"

He looked up at her, breaking his concentration. He was debating whether to accept the offering in her fingers or go with his better judgement, knowing that it would give him a stomachache. 

But...her feeding him...she didn't do this very often... He couldn't resist the opportunity to fit his lips around her fingertips and suck on them, staring up at her through his eyelashes. She raised an eyebrow and a smirk curled up the side of her mouth. He didn't break eye contact as he swallowed the dough. 

She was right - it was delicious. He didn't regret that moment, even though his belly complained a few minutes later. It was worth it, to have the memory of the taste of sweet dough on his tongue and her fingers between his teeth, warm brown eyes gazing into his.


	7. Bottle Feeding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY, the chapter I wanted to write all along. Here it is.

"This is so weird."

"No it's not," she reassured him, but he shook his head.

"It's weird."

Riza was sitting on the edge of the bed holding a large bottle full of warm milk in her hand. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

He stood next to the bed, nervously holding onto one elbow, swaying back and forth. "I just..."

It had been his idea. Another strange request. Except this one seemed stranger than all the others that came before it. 

The first request, he'd asked her to help him draw a bubble bath, without ever explaining why. But she understood. By the end of the night they'd made love to each other with their hands and mouths, because he was so grateful for her intuitive understanding of what he was asking for.

After the bathtub, the requests had been for her to help him change into colorful pajamas with patterns on them. To watch cartoons with him. To tuck him in to bed, to pull the blankets around him in a nest. To kiss him on the forehead and say goodnight, then turn a nightlight on before climbing in next to him. He'd wait until after she was asleep, when her breaths were evened out and slow, and then he'd turn around to pull her close and hold her from behind, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair. Kiss the back of her neck. She seemed to unconsciously rest easier in the safety of his muscular arms, her shoulders went less rigid and more relaxed. 

They didn't always have sex after his requests. Only rarely would these platonic activities become a kind of foreplay. Her understanding for his requests filled him with so much gratitude it made him cry almost every single time, which made him want to kiss her, and then the love inside the kisses would heat him up from inside.

He wanted to take care of her the same way she took care of him, but he constantly found himself unable to truly return the level of attention she gave him.

And now here they were. Riza waiting patiently for him to come sit next to her, and Envy standing awkwardly in front of her.

 

~ ~ ~ 

 

The first time they did it, it didn't go very well. They sat side by side on the bed, Envy awkward and tense, and Riza equally unsure of what to do. She held up the bottle and he turned his head to suck on the rubber nipple. It was a large glass bottle, full of warm oat milk. His cheeks turned red and he kept his eyes firmly on the wall as he sucked and swallowed robotically, wishing for this to be over as quickly as possible. Why did he think this was a good idea? Riza's arm faltered halfway through, tired of being held midair in one place, but neither one of them moved until the bottle was empty.

He was embarrassed at how badly it went and didn't want to do it again, but Riza brought the idea up again two days later when they sat on the couch watching a movie on a late sunny afternoon, her arm around his shoulders.

She wanted to wake him up in the morning with a bottle. She asked if he liked that particular kind of milk and if she should try another one. He bit his lip and shook his head, indicating that he didn't want to try another one, this one was fine. The oat milk had an interestingly dry flavor with a pleasant aftertaste.

The second time, that next morning, Envy knelt on the edge of the bed while Riza stood before him with the bottle in hand. Halfway through she began petting his head, running her fingers through the long silky strands of his hair, from top to bottom. He shivered when she gently lifted strands from his scalp, letting them stretch out and then fall drifting back into place.

He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation, and the milk felt much more soothing going down his throat.

It was still an awkward position however, him kneeling on all fours on the bed in front of her to reach the rubber tip, feet and legs tangled under the warm rumpled covers. He felt like some kind of baby goat, and it was a little too strange for him. The "scene" still wasn't quite right.

It went much better the third time.

They were sitting on the couch again, watching another movie, and Riza asked if he was hungry. He knew what that meant, and went still for a moment before nodding. She got up to prepare the bottle, and he was left sitting awkwardly on his hands as he stared at the screen.

Breathing deeply, once, through his nose, he closed his eyes at the flickering images, trying to relax. He remembered her hand petting through his hair, and let his shoulders slump forward, neck losing tension. This was going to be fine.

She came back a few minutes later and sat down next to him. She opened her arms and he clambered onto her lap, gangly arms and legs settling into an acceptably comfortable position. 

He sat in the space between her spread thighs, cradled on either side, his knees bent, his feet tucked under the opposite armrest of the couch. 

Her left arm supported his spine while her right arm held the bottle in front of his mouth. He leaned back and she followed the movement, letting him fall a little until he was lying on the curve of her left shoulder. 

All tension disappeared from his body as he sagged against her. Her left hand smoothed up and down his upper arm, squeezing comfortingly above his elbow.

He closed his eyes and let the rubber tip push gently against his lips, into his mouth. He sucked and swallowed, mouth closed around it. His mind drifted away, into a white hum, as the television noise faded into the background and he was surrounded by Riza's warmth, as her hand continued smoothing up and down his arm. She settled him more comfortably against her and he let the movement jostle him as if he were underwater, moving slowly.

He sighed.

By the time the bottle was three quarters empty he'd nearly fallen asleep, and Riza pulled it away from him, lips lazy and barely sucking anymore.

He breathed in the smell of her fabric softener, nose tucked against her cotton shirt. She chuckled and smiled fondly down at him, leaning forward to set the bottle on the coffee table so that she could hook her right arm under his knees and lift him up, carrying him into the bedroom.

She laid him on top of the covers and he stared up at her, eyes half-lidded. 

"Ri...za..." 

She shushed him and smoothed her hand back from his forehead, sliding off his headband.

He drifted off into a deeper and more peaceful sleep than he'd known in years. When he awoke to the feeling of Riza's body laying next to his, he listened to her steady breathing. He turned and put his arm over her, hugging her to him. She mumbled in her sleep and he kissed the back of her neck, snuggling into her, knees bending behind hers. His thumbed stroked in circles over her arm.


End file.
